A Glimpse of Grief and Perseverance
Rakatani volunteering with KumulCare - a not for profit which assists people living with disabilities in PNG
It was February 2013, the first week of grade 12 and I remember how excited I was to experience my final year as a senior at Coronation College Lae (Morobe Province, PNG). I also felt anxious about what life after graduating would be like, but I tried my best not to ponder on it.
My Christmas and New Year holiday before commencing school consisted of mentally and spiritually preparing myself for the work, I knew I needed to put in to get through the academic year.
But, once the first week came around for senior year my life at that time felt like it had turned upside down with the sudden passing of my nephew (he was the first-born child to my eldest brother and sister in-law, first grandchild, first nephew). And this, was my first time to have ever experienced grief deeply.
I remember being a bitter 17-year-old, depressed almost, lost faith in God, lost hope in finishing year 12 and in my future. My family only had one week to grieve and return to work and school. Pretending I was okay everyday was the worst part but going back home to my family meant everything to me. Because we learned to allow ourselves to grieve and heal in our own ways and time.
Before I knew it though, I had rebuilt my faith during this year, was nominated as a senior prefect, represented my school in the debating team, prepared for exams and university with my friends who I must say also played a key role in my healing process during this time. Then, graduation came around.
My school had invited my Dad who was at that time the residential judge in Morobe Province to be the keynote speaker at my grade 12 graduation. Receiving my academic awards from him that day was a full circle moment for me because my achievements were also my family's achievements as well. Each of them contributed to instilling in me wisdom, corrected me on my path when I went off track and encouraged me to keep persevering. That is what I love most about being Motuan, Papua New Guinean and being from the Pacific - family is our heart and core.
Fast forward to 2014, to the first week of commencing University at JCU Townsville, Australia. While experiencing culture shock, excitement for the new chapter ahead and navigating through my emotions of homesickness from my family in PNG, I got a phone call from my second eldest brother whist studying in the library telling me that our Dad had passed earlier that morning at our home in Lae. And once again, I was hit by a strong wave of grief and shock but this time in a foreign country with only three family members and one close PNG friend who helped comfort me during this time.
Rakatani and her Father - Sao R Gabi
I had withdrawn from university, packed up and travelled back home to PNG in only three days to be with my family. After laying our Dad to rest right next to our nephew in Gabagaba Village, Rigo Central Province my family and I went through a lot of transitioning and healing together again. I gave myself one whole year to get back on my feet and return to Australia in 2015 to resume my studies, as this was what my family encouraged me to pursue and accomplish even though I wasn’t 100% ready.
When traveling back for my studies I remembered an excerpt from my Dad’s speech at my grade 12 graduation:
“It is with this idea in mind that we as parents make sacrifices so that you avail yourselves to educational opportunities. As parents and teachers, there is a limit to what we can do. It is entirely up to you to take the opportunities and realise your dreams. You should all have dreams There is nothing wrong with dreaming. The knowledge you gain will be an important and valuable commodity. You should all endeavour to learn as much as you can and strive to excel in your fields of endeavour so that you are able to contribute meaningfully here in PNG and abroad”.
Rakatani with the North Queensland Women’s Legal Services
With my family’s support, my faith and surrounding myself with the right circle of individuals I successfully completed my studies in 2019 obtaining a Bachelor’s in Human Resource Management minoring in Communications Design (Digital Marketing). Having my family journey with me until attaining this achievement is a blessing and I am grateful for their continuous love and support in my personal and professional development today.
Taunao Gabi - Eldest Brother, Rhonda Kopman - Sister-in-Law, Rita E Gabi - Mother, Gadoeno Gabi - Second Eldest Brother
I am the essence of my family, and I am a proud young Motuan and Papua New Guinean. I’ve experienced my share of grief and perseverance as a youth transitioning into an adult and I have dreams and goals for my people that will one day come to fruition. For now, I will continue to help my communities through the work I currently do voluntarily whilst planning out strategically how to execute my own passion work from learning from my family and peers around me.
Written by Rakatani Sibona Gabi - PAYA Manager of Communications – PAYA
Pictured with Yanamlyn Yana - PAYA's Manager of Partnerships
